What About Your Friends?

I have a huge social problem that I really have no clue how to address.  I know I’m not the only one.  The big issue is that most of my social interactions have food involved.  Let’s get lunch.  Late dinner.  Party is a potluck, bring a dish to share.  So on and so forth.  In general the American life experience revolves around a table filled with food, drinks, and friends/family.

While those experiences are fantastic, they also are not really conducive to weight loss and a healthy active lifestyle if you are one of few or one of the only people in your friend/family circle who is attempting to live a healthy life.  I have like two sets of friends.  My friends who are all about being healthy/trying to be healthy and my friends who don’t prioritize their health.  I love them both, but as I really try to help myself, I struggle with how to spend time with the second group.  I don’t want to be one of those people – the people that dump their friends when they get in shape.  However now that I’m starting to get it.  My lifestyle is changing and it’s going to keep changing.

This is on my mind because I’ve recently had 2 conversations that make me wonder how to keep my friends.  One friend asked why I wasn’t coming to a meetup (I’ve been in this meetup group for like years) and I said well, it’s a dessert themed event and I really do not want to be in that environment.  The invite literally mentioned tons of desserts and sampling and all that.  As someone trying to lose weight, why would I want to be in a situation where that is going on?  I’ve tried before to bring my own food and it’s just awkward.  I spend so much time explaining myself, answering questions, and at the same time trying to kill my cravings that it’s just not worth being in the situation because I’m not having fun with friends.  I’m having survival with sweets in a mine field.  The second conversation was a friend who kept mentioning a late dinner after an event and I could feel the conversation get really weird when I said I’ll be at the event (which will have activity!!) but not at the late dinner out.  I don’t need to go to dinner at 9:30/10 pm.  I just don’t.  And it’s not like it’s a special thing, somebody’s birthday or anything.  It’s going to be at whatever is open (so a diner?) at that time.  No thanks.  But I’ll see you guys for the non- food part.

Is it because when I say no, I’m trying to lose weight (when I’m asked over and over why I won’t eat or do xyz) or no, I don’t want to go out to eat, I’m putting a mirror on other people?  Does it become, well what makes you think you are special?  I’ve heard these friends put down another girl who a while back lost a ton of weight because she got skinny and “too good” for everybody.  I feel like I’m being put in that category now and it’s awkward.  Is it going to be easier when I am more set in my diet (vs. now where I’m still actively trying to make changes and struggle with cravings, ect.)?  I have spent a lot of time the last few weeks with friends who are healthy or working towards health.  And those times are fabulous.  Because they are easy.  It’s not a constant explanation or saying no situation.  I like that situation and I do want to find more friends who live that life.  Is that the sacrifice of weight loss?  Friends who won’t convert to the healthy way of life naturally fall out of your life?  That’s kind of sad.

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