Category Archives: ramblings

Weighty Weekend Ramblings

April is my favorite month of the year.  It’s my birthday month, it’s when spring usually actually springs and it’s my birthday.  Oh wait, I said one of those twice 🙂

But seriously, I’m really excited about the new month.  Fresh starts, new beginnings and a time to plan what I want my year of being 31 to look like.  I almost can’t believe I’ll be 31 next week.  Being 30 has been work.  Getting healthier despite myself.  Getting through my husband’s job in Memphis.  Getting through tough assignments at work.  I know 31 will have ups and downs – that’s just what happens in life.  But I also am ready to keep up all the forward momentum from being 30 and hopefully instead of just setting goals and setting the groundwork for achieving those goals, I will start crossing things off my goals list one by one.

Always getting more and more intrigued by the way our bodies work.  I swear my weight and my inches do NOT always go together.  My beachbody coaching group has been posting our transformation pictures this week.  It’s always amazing to see people you know who have really changed their bodies.  It’s motivating to see what is possible and to know that it’s definitely not a photoshop.  One of the coaches, Chelsea Blush, was talking about the scale and how she put on muscle so went UP 10 lbs.  Well let me tell you that she looks amazing with these extra 10 lbs.  Our scale is wonky right now (victim of the move), so I can’t weigh right now…and I’m kind of glad after reading what she posted yesterday.  I think that we sometimes get SO focused on the numbers on the scale that we don’t look at what is in front of us.  Are my pants getting looser?  Is my face getting thinner?  Are people telling me that I look smaller?  Hell, I can take my supposed to be work pants totally off now without unbuttoning or unzipping them, which I could not do until recently….shouldn’t I take THAT as the victory, not lament that the scale hasn’t moved like I want it to over the last few months?  I realized that I’m asking the wrong question when thinking about progress.  All those years of doing weight watchers and weighing in and feeling like a loser when I don’t lose weight that week….it’s conditioning that I’ll probably never actually lose.  I honestly don’t even want a scale that works right now.  I will get weighed at the doctor on Thursday and I guess I do want to know all my starting stats for the reset  because I’m a nerd and will want to know how everything changed from day 1 to day 21.  But other than those 3 occasions over the next 6 weeks – do I need to weigh myself?  I don’t think I do.  I think I need to take a break from the scale and my scale acting up is giving me the perfect excuse to do just that thing.

Sometimes the universe knows exactly what you need when you need it eh?

Oh and I have an announcement.


I know right?  Me.  I hate running.  But I wanted to watch the basketball game and I needed to get my workout in yesterday, so I got on the treadmill since the apt has tvs on them.  I did intervals – high incline/medium speed and low incline/higher speed were my peaks.  Note my “higher speed” was only 5 and 5.5 mph.  I probably could have gone faster too..but mentally I was so surprised at how comfortable those speeds felt while running I think I was shocked to try faster.  Not comfortable like lah de dah I could do this all day.  Comfortable like wow – I’m running and I don’t feel like I’m about to fall off the treadmill and I can do this for a little bit.  Either way, it’s the most I have run in probably 2 years…since I “quit” running before.  I think of any activity I have done, I noticed my weight loss most while running yesterday, because I actually felt like I could run instead of feeling like I was being tortured.  Progress is a beautiful thing.


Let’s talk stress.  There are SO many things that stress people out and between work and all of the other things going on outside of work I have been STRESSED out.  Now that I’m back into the exercise, I’m realizing how much I missed it during the reset because I have been SO stressed.  That’s why for me exercise has always been really important to me.  Not just because of weight loss, but because of stress relief.  I realize when I look back at my life that a lot of the times I had a lot of rapid weight gain they were times that I didn’t exercise regularly.  I think because the exercise helps me to keep the stress eating at bay.  I just had this revelation in the last week or two and it’s been really eye opening.  It tells me that especially when I’m stressed, I need to make sure I take the time to get to the gym or even do a quick short BodyRock workout.  Workout doesn’t need to be super long or super crazy – I think the key is just to move my body so I get that mental relief.  I’m going to really work on planning ahead for weeks when I am super busy and stressed out.  And with the holidays coming up, clearly that means I will need to lock it down.  I still use my fitbook to plan my week and this helps a lot.  

The other piece of this is sleep.  Between vacation which went straight into the reset and then straight into a trip for work my schedule is a MESS.  I have been staying up later, waking up later, and just not really on my sleep schedule.  I’ve pretty much realized through experimentation that I need a good 7.5 – 8.5 hours of sleep.  So I used my exercise rest day yesterday to get that back on schedule.  I went to bed closer to on time then I woke up at 5:30 and hit my basement for my workout.  Already I feel better.  For one, starting my day with exercise usually helps me start it in a good mood.  For two, getting up an hour earlier to exercise means that I actually get to spend my evening doing whatever I want.  When I exercise in the evening I come home, exercise, cook, and by the time all that is done, I stay up way too late because I am not really in my free time until like 9pm.  When I exercise in the morning, I come home from work and from 6 or so on, it’s whatever I want to do.  Which means that getting into bed at 10 pm is easier because I’ve had ample time to take care of whatever I need to take care of.  I know people don’t like going to bed so early.  My mom is always telling me I’m crazy because I miss my tv shows.  But I just watch them on the next day.  It’s not as important to me to watch the 10pm show, even if it’s a favorite, as it is to get my sleep and make sure I get that workout in.  Plus working out before work eliminates a lot of excuses.  You aren’t too stressed/tired/annoyed/running late, ect to get it in.  It’s done and you can move on.  But it can only happen if you go to sleep early enough to get enough sleep before that alarm clock goes off.  I’ve done a lot of reading on creating a great sleep environment and I’ve put a lot of that into action in my bedroom.  One of the biggest no-nos is the cell phone and I haven’t quite broken that habit yet.  But most other ones are already addressed.  
My goal in life is not just to lose weight – but to figure out what things are going on that are prohibiting that from happening so I can keep the weight off when it’s all gone.  I have had the yo-yo for years without ever really realizing how important the two things above really are to me.  It’s only recently (this year) that I started doing morning workouts and researching creating a good sleep environment.  This weight loss thing is a continuous improvement effort.  For most of us, it’s bigger than just moving more and eating less.  It’s trying to fix the behaviors that have allowed us to gain the weight.  That means looking a little deeper which is hard, but quite rewarding.
Anyone care to share what habits they have had to change on this weight loss journey that are outside the obvious answers of diet and exercise?  

Catch Up Time!

Hey world 🙂  I’ve been super busy with work and traveling for work so I got a little behind in my posting but I’m back!  Thought I’d share a few thoughts and some new stuff that is going on.

Morning workouts….I love you.  Seriously.  This week I switched to night to meet with the trainer and it pretty much sucks.  I feel so low energy all day, low energy at the gym, trouble sleeping and still wake up before my alarm.  No way, sorry back to mornings ASAP!

The hubs and I have been talking about health a lot lately.  I happened to mention the Beachbody Ultimate Reset to him and he kind of ran with the idea.  Ran with it to the fact that we have actually ordered it and will probably be starting in mid September.  Oye.  I promised him that if he wanted to do it, I would do it with him all solidarity like.  Why do I make these promises?  Love?  Anyway, we talked about it and I actually decided to sign up as a coach to place the order.  I know why there are a million coaches now – the discount if you are buying things regularly (which I kind of have already with them…hmmm) is WAY worth it.  For us to buy all the reset kits and the shakeology we both decided to throw on after research since my schedule especially is highly unpredictable, well let’s just say we saved a ton of money.  I don’t plan on being a pushy seller or anything like that because those pushy Beachbody coaches all kind of freak me out, don’t worry.  And I also have been a fan of Beachbody for a while – I own 6 of their exercise programs and never coached when I was buying those.  Those I really did buy honestly because I really just liked their product and wanted to try these programs.  Ironically, I suck at doing 60 or 90 days of anything, but I still buy all these 60 or 90 day programs.  Shrug.

I will probably journal the Ultimate Reset fairly detailed just because I think if I commit to journal it, I’ll keep honest with it.   It’s a pretty big commitment and you don’t workout during it really except yoga and walking and stretching so I’ll be going CRAZY most likely by day 4.  I’m concerned about the diet options…but I’m excited by them.  I’m concerned because it is a challenge.  I’ve read almost the entire beachbody forum on Ultimate Reset before we ordered and I am convinced that I can get through it, but I know it will be a challenge.  I almost said no because I travel and it’s somewhat unpredictable.  But then I decided no, that really can’t be a reason I don’t do it.  My schedule is ALWAYS an excuse for why I don’t stick to anything and from what I can tell there are ways to make it happen.  I really really hope to get out of the program a better relationship with food, kick some cravings, and also a better situation in the kitchen for the hubby and I.  We have never been in the same place with dieting/healthy eating/healthy lifestyle so if this puts us on the same book (let alone the same page – oh rejoice!) then that is worth the total cost of admission.  That difference of opinion on trying to be healthy has made weight loss and sticking to a meal plan very difficult for me over the years and I’m just really hoping that at the end of all this we will be of the same or at least a closer mind.  Anyway, I’m not sure when we will start.  We will get it probably while I’m on girls getaway vacation and I believe our thought is to start at some point after the holiday.  We can spend the long weekend reviewing the materials and figuring out what we need, ect.

I love having a trainer.  The workouts are killer and I’m losing inches like crazy.  FOUR off my stomach in the past 2 weeks and I’m totally wearing all my old pants.  But I miss Insanity, lol.  And my morning workouts.  And BodyRock which lately I’ve totally abandoned and really really miss!!  I struggle with balance in my workout schedule for sure.  I love all the weight training but need to figure out how to kind of get it all in.  Like a day of insanity, a day at the gym, a day of bodyrock – rest, repeat.  Something like that would be almost ideal and get me to not miss any of the things I love or things I need.  My friend suggested I do a week of each, which is also an intriguing idea.  That would be a constant shake up of things and might be a good way to stay excited.  Basically pick a program of the week so to speak and go after it.

Speaking of inches.  I’ve lost like zero inches on my butt in 1.5 months.  Thighs, arms, and especially the stomach are ridiculous.  But my butt is almost exactly the same.  It’s kind of ridiculous and it’s why my old pants while I can wear them – they are still a bit tight in the booty zone.  I know you can’t spot reduce…so I’m just patiently waiting for all the work I’m doing to eat enough fat everywhere else to decide to hit the butt.  But I can gripe about it a little…so I am 🙂

Vacation starts in ONE week.  Excited isn’t even the right word.  It’s also the last week of the weight loss challenge we are doing.  I’m in 2nd place right now and I’m about 100% sure this past week wasn’t one of my best.  So time to kick it into overdrive to get back to my 1-2 lbs a week range.  Nutrition on point, exercise on point, sleep on point.

Speaking of sleep…good night!

August Already

I’m kind of blown away that we are officially in August already.  I’m trying to figure out what I did the first few months of the year because I certainly don’t remember.

Did Insanity this morning (pure cardio).  It’s definitely getting easier to stay with the video the entire time instead of taking a break every 2 minutes.  I still take lots of breaks – but I am noticing more exercises that I’m getting that whole minute of work in vs. before where almost every exercise had at least one break.  I really like the Insanity program – way more than I thought I would.

My workout schedule is such a mess.  I do a lot of insanity, some weight lifting, and some resting.  There is really no method to my madness right now even though I’m trying to plan.  I think because I’m conflicted about what I should do vs. what I want to do vs. what needs doing I’m just all over the place.  I think really deep down that as long as I’m moving and getting the intense cardio during the week a few times I’m fine.  But I do wonder if what I’m doing is right for my goals.

My nutrition plan got a little stricter this week – a little less bread and rice with a little more protein at meal times.  I don’t really mind – the healthier bread and brown rice aren’t my favorites.  She also wants me to have my breakfast on exercise days (meal 1) split – half right after I workout and half at the normal time.  Good idea but it again makes it hard with what to eat.  I guess I could do the smoothie, drink some, put it in the freezer until I get ready to head to work, then finish?  I also wish that of all the meals that had reduced carbs, breakfast was one, but alas, lol.  I’m going to do more egg burrito/rollup/something research this weekend.  With that, I could make 2, eat one right after and one later.  Or maybe it’s time to check out the egg muffin recipes?

I wore my size 22 pants to work yesterday because I got told that my other pants were ridiculous.  They were really big (and comfy) and I know I should probably not wear them.  But they are comfy and I love comfy.  Anyway the 22s are not at all comfy.  But they do fit like pants are probably supposed to fit.  I’m going to go through this weekend and see what fits and what doesn’t…something I should have done a while ago I suppose.  I mean after losing 30 lbs, one should probably not be wearing the exact same outfits like I am.

Speaking of losing 30 lbs – I’ve decided that 65% was upper body, 10% hips/butt, and the last 25% from my thighs.  I look decidedly more pear than I’ve ever looked.  I know lower body weight is harder to take off…I’ve read that lots of places.  And I’m trying to be patient, really.  No, really, I am.

My next reward is going to be this tank from FireDaughter.  I’m in love with it and I need it to be mine.  I think I will order it in another 15 lbs (because it’s custom made and takes a while) and hopefully by the time I get it I’ll have lost 20 and it will be my reward to myself (along with a nice pedi and/or massage!) for getting all the weight gain off.  I hope to be able to order that in 7 weeks…so time to put a move on it.

I Feel Pretty

So I’m having one of those days where I feel great. I don’t know why, maybe because it’s Friday? Maybe because this dress fits really nice on the hips (dangerous on the v though…I’m at work hoping like hell I don’t show too much). Maybe it’s because I crushed my insanity fit test? Maybe I’m just starting to feel better in my own skin because I’m taking good care of myself.

I gained a lot of weight, about 50 lbs, in about 4 or 5 months. That is fast, unhealthy, and just ridiculous. There is really only one reason – emotional eating. I really let a situation that was hard on my family break me down. It was really from trying so hard to be there and not show my emotions. I was trying to be strong because I felt I needed too because of everything going on. I let my healthy eating habits, my gym habits, my sleeping habits go to hell. I regret that. I do not regret being strong because I think that strength was important and necessary and vital. I regret not taking better care of myself and letting all the good habits I had nurtured go. I tried, many times over those months to get back on track but it never stuck.

Now I sit here almost 12 months from the point when my weight started on its journey back up the scale. I’ve lost about 30 of the 50 lbs I gained. I have a long way to go. Another 20 back to “zero” then another 60 or so to the finish line. But I’m doing the right things, eating the right foods, working the right exercise. I’m feeling like I’m on a good road, one that leads to finally doing all the things I have wanted to achieve for years. I feel good. I feel pretty.

The Awkward Stage

I’m totally in that weird place.  That place where the clothes you bought when you gained weight are getting too big and the clothes you grew out of are still a little too small.  I have two “problem areas” so to speak – my arms (the bingo wings) and my hips/behind.  I put problem areas in quotes because at my weight it seems dumb to call anything a problem area, but these are the two areas that are preventing my old wardrobe from fitting properly.  It’s annoying b/c I have to layer my tops b/c of the necklines (why do people think all big girls have huge boobs and/or want to show off what boobs they have????) being a little too revealing for work but I can’t go down b/c my arms don’t fit at all in the smaller arm holes.  But the real problem are my pants.  My pants are falling down / the belt is gathering more material than makes sense but the next size down hugs my hips like a long lost lover but fits perfectly everywhere but that one spot. Awkward.

In other notes – I’ve fallen in love with a blog – Can You Stay for Dinner? and I don’t know what to do other than profess my love of the writing, the story, and the real life truths she dishes out along with amazing recipes.  I’ve already printed 3 or 4 blog posts in the last 24 hours and pinned like 10 recipes.  It’s ridiculous.   The blog posts I’ve printed are about how she got her mind right and ready for weight loss, how to make a 400 calorie (read aloud: filling ) salad, and how to prep for a week of good eating.  Considering I woke up this AM and ended up with a cup of cottage cheese w/ pineapple, grapes, and a cheese stick staring back at me as my food that is supposed to last through tomorrow – I clearly need to read about these prep days. I haven’t read a single thing about weight loss that makes as much sense to me as she does – perhaps because the perspective of someone who has lost 135 lbs and kept it off is going to be a little different and a little wiser than someone who has only studied how to do it.  I think that trainers are great at telling you how to exercise, but the mental aspect – that can only come from someone who has been there, done that.  I didn’t realize that until yesterday when I found this post and the question could have been written by me.  I quote the question

How did 9 out of 10 times you choose the healthy option while losing? How did you not make drive through runs at Wendy’s, eat a whole pizza and so on? How did you STICK TO IT? I feel like I KNOW what to do. I KNOW how to eat, what to etc. There is NO lack of knowledge or accessibility to the right foods. It’s just doing it.”

Um hello.  Yes…that is the question that I’ve been asking myself for years and never finding an answer.  Andrea (the hostess of Can You Stay for Dinner?) gave an answer and damn if I’m not going to spend the weekend going through it line by line (again) and working through her suggestions for how to build a stick to it mindset.  Yes mindset – not a workout plan on eating plan.   A mindset and a set of goals that may or may not be exercise/food related but definitely work towards building a better life.  I love her advice – because it’s not “well just do it” or “overhaul your lifestyle overnight.”  I’ve tried both of these and I always end up asking myself the same quote as above so doing something else, especially since it deals with the mental aspect (which quite frankly I’ve never had a plan actually address), just seems like a good weekend activity.

Mindset of a Weight Loss Winner

This week has been amazing for being back on track after travel.  I turned down pizza at a meeting at work and cake at a birthday celebration today.  I exercised 3 days in a row (taking a rest day tomorrow) and have only had one meal outside of the house this week (which is awesome for me). I’m feeling really good right now and building positive momentum.  I have stuck with the no junk food challenge except for this am (had a breakfast sammy from chic fil a in a rush, my one restaurant meal).  I struggle with breakfast…I need to make a casserole or something that I can easily take with me on the go.  I was looking at a new to me blog and found she has some really good suggestions for breakfast.  Her go to breakfast is apparently 3 boiled egg whites, oatmeal, fruit  That’s a note I wrote down b/c it’s portable (so I can pack it in my bag to eat at work) and it’s also usually available at hotels when I’m on travel.  Double win.

I am realizing in reading blogs of women that have lost a lot of weight that mentally – they are on another level.  These women are doing the things that we all do – the planning and grocery shopping.  But they also have just a great mindset.  One that says ” I’ve decided to lose weight and eat healthy and NOTHING is more important than that.”  At least that’s what I read in these blogs.  They don’t lament the pizza they couldn’t have when everyone else around them is eating it.  I’m sure they notice it, I’m not pretending that they don’t see the food.  But they have their goal as priority and instead of being sad about what they can’t/don’t/won’t eat (which is what I do) they just accept as fact that they won’t eat it and will eat {insert healthy option here} OR they say I will have this {insert special food here} because I’m at {insert place that is rare/special/will never return to} and this food is something I cannot get at home so I will split/order a small portion/only pick ONE special thing off the list and make sure I get my calories burned and not splurge again for a little bit.

I’m not there yet.  I’ve never been there – which is probably why I can’t lose and keep the weight off.  I tend to be upset and mad and angry that I can’t eat what others are eating or what I want to eat.  I get really emotional and that is usually when my willpower fades.  I am not sure what to do with this and how to change this mindset.  Does it come with success?  Does it come with being at goal and being scared of going back?  Or is this one of those things that happens “when the time is right” and you can’t force it? I go through times where I have this but I don’t really know why I have it at those times or how to get it back when it’s gone.  It’s something I need to really search for and figure out.

In the meantime – I just need to fake it until I make it.  I need to just focus on eating right and when I need to choose the bowl of fruit or salad or grilled chicken instead of pizza, ice cream, or chinese food I need to tell myself – “This is how you get to your goal so this is better than the alternative.”  I need to remind myself that all of the clothes and outfits I keep pinning on Pinterest that I adore and want to wear will only be options if I keep picking the fruit and the grilled chicken and hummus and veggies.  I need to remember that the healthy life I’ve been seeking since I first joined weight watchers TWELVE years ago can only happen if I do what is right.  Pizza and chips and cookies are not the ways to build a strong lean athletic body that can go into any store and buy a straight size pair of jeans.  Fruit and vegetables and eggs and oats and lean protein are the way to get the body I want.

If you read all this – thank you for sticking with me.  I’ll be revisiting it very often….especially when I’m in a situation that I am struggling with.  I have told a few friends – I want to lose 50 lbs by Christmas.  Christmas is 24 weeks away, so that’s a pretty hard core goal.  But I want to go shopping after Christmas sales with a body that I can be happy with and being hard core is the only way I’m going to get there.  I’m going to probably kick, scream and cry for the next 6 months – but if that’s what it takes – then that’s what it takes.

Game on.