Back home and back on the grind. I am REALLY run down right now between the travel and work and our move and everything else – but I’m desperately trying to keep myself on the straight and narrow. I was struggling when I first got back because I didn’t have time to cook on Sunday so that lead to ordering dinner a few more days then I should. And I had a lot of fried chicken at home. Probably not as much as I think I did – but considering I can’t even remember the last time I had fried chicken before Saturday, it just feels like a LOT. I also had a lot of dessert. See this is the thing right – I should have made a plate, sat down, and eaten. Instead I nibbled while I was helping my mom host – putting food out, taking coats, ect. There was a lot going on and I fell into my usual “take care of everything but me” personality. Which is ok. Seriously. It is. Because I’m out of it now. I didn’t let it turn into a 2 week thing like I usually do where I eat everything under the sun and cry about how fat I’m getting. I had a few off days and just like that I’m back. I got back on exercise immediately and I got back on eating hardcore today.
In general though, I just really needed the last few nights to myself, and I took them. I read and slept early and fought off this stupid sinus infection to the best of my ability. I didn’t blog, although I did do some videos for Femistry – which I should do a whole post about soon actually, but I did catch up on sleep and do some serious thinking about life. Trying to figure out can I quit my job and just workout for 4-6 months, then come back to the real world…but I think that isn’t going to happen. Not unless someone orders about 1000 copies of INSANITY from me right quick, lol. But seriously – after having to deal with the memorial and the family (Seriously if ONE more person asks me when I’m having a kid again I’m going to start swinging. What exactly is the answer to that question? tomorrow? On November 18th 2014? What is it?) and the travel and the go-go schedule once I got home with helping my mom cook and clean and then cooking breakfast and all that….I just was totally wiped out. I still wish I could have taken some time off this week, but I had work things that I had to be here for. I make no promises for Friday though…I’m really considering taking a day off to woosah a little bit.
I also should say – I started trying the Les Mills Combat workouts. Oh my freaking god. Okay so remember how I was desperate to do this program in January? Well my order got completely screwed up so I didn’t get it until last week. Anyway, I wasn’t going to even try it until I finished my hybrid…but um I totally gave in and tried it yesterday because of my total lack of motivation and I get giddy with new stuff. And I did it again today. It’s soooo good. Like I’m already a super fan and now wanting to jump into 2 months of it. I love this stuff…new workouts just make me excited. Some of them end up a bust and some of them are awesome. I need to make a page with my reviews of all the DVD programs I have tried and rate them somehow. I’ve tried about all of them. Some girls collect purses – I collect workouts.
Anyway, just wanted to touch base and share what’s going on with me. I am still feeling under the weather a bit, but I’m hoping my Shakeology + exercise + gallons of water + sleep will all fix me soon.
Doesn’t it? The first 5 days of February have been pretty annoying, not going to lie. I have that feeling that everything I do is wrong, have you had that? It probably is a combination of hormones and work and life. I am feeling very stuck lately and while I can give myself a challenge in weight loss to get moving, I’m not sure I know what to do for other things to jump start them.
Part of this is the fact that it’s that special time of the month (sorry boys) and I have massive cravings. I am trying to get through it. I made healthy nachos for the super bowl and that was a good substitute for junk. Just took a layer of real fresh tortilla chips and pilled on refried beans, ranchero beans (some random organic can I found at whole foods, lol), fiesta cheese, and a TON of onions and red/yellow/green peppers. A ton. Popped it in the oven for about 20 minutes and then put salsa on top. Boom. Done. But I still want to eat EVERYTHING. I hate my new prescription…this didn’t happen on the old one. Alas it is what it is and I’m trying to work through it. I did have chocolate yesterday…and I really didn’t feel better. I still felt cravings and I felt bad for eating when I KNEW it was just the hormones, not an actual want. I am doing better today and continually reminding myself throughout the day that yesterday was yesterday and it won’t ruin me. I am a firm believer in the fact that ONE day won’t kill you…it’s just one day. But it’s what happens after that one day that determines your success. So I’m focusing on the fact that I know in my heart that one chocolate bar, no matter how large it is, won’t make me a size 26 again. I also missed my workout yesterday after sleeping in after the Super Bowl and I know that really mentally messed with me. I don’t miss workouts often…literally 2x in the last 6 months. And the reason I don’t is because I feel so restless. I don’t even like rest days…I just have gotten into a move it all the time mode lol. Today I attacked P90x Legs and Back with vigor!
The other thing is that I am really really focusing on my career and my future lately. I am focusing on finding training and learning opportunities to make me a better engineer and a better project manager. I have not been doing as well at that as I should over the last few years…which I have been disappointed in myself with. I have been focusing on the work – which I should of course – but I also need to focus on how to make myself smarter so I can do the work better. I’m adding that as a goal this week to my weekly goal writing session – I literally JUST decided that. That will be my jump start. I need to stay on top of what is new in the project management industry…that will help me not only at work, but in my LIFE lol. If that doesn’t get me unstuck I really don’t know what will. I already am reverse engineering that goal…this makes me excited.
In general though – I do just need to start doing the woosah a bit more. The last 2 months I have been go go go. Life changed a LOT in November when the man finished his job assignment in Tennessee and I don’t think I’ve really had the break I need to deal with that. Deal with it sounds wrong…more like process it. Yes, that’s it. I need to process how my life changed while he was gone and how it’s different now that he’s back. I was so busy soldiering on through the summer/fall while he was gone…I don’t think I have changed gears back into a more relaxed life. It’s time to start really doing that and start mentally getting out of get through it mode and get into the living life mode.
I have a huge social problem that I really have no clue how to address. I know I’m not the only one. The big issue is that most of my social interactions have food involved. Let’s get lunch. Late dinner. Party is a potluck, bring a dish to share. So on and so forth. In general the American life experience revolves around a table filled with food, drinks, and friends/family.
While those experiences are fantastic, they also are not really conducive to weight loss and a healthy active lifestyle if you are one of few or one of the only people in your friend/family circle who is attempting to live a healthy life. I have like two sets of friends. My friends who are all about being healthy/trying to be healthy and my friends who don’t prioritize their health. I love them both, but as I really try to help myself, I struggle with how to spend time with the second group. I don’t want to be one of those people – the people that dump their friends when they get in shape. However now that I’m starting to get it. My lifestyle is changing and it’s going to keep changing.
This is on my mind because I’ve recently had 2 conversations that make me wonder how to keep my friends. One friend asked why I wasn’t coming to a meetup (I’ve been in this meetup group for like years) and I said well, it’s a dessert themed event and I really do not want to be in that environment. The invite literally mentioned tons of desserts and sampling and all that. As someone trying to lose weight, why would I want to be in a situation where that is going on? I’ve tried before to bring my own food and it’s just awkward. I spend so much time explaining myself, answering questions, and at the same time trying to kill my cravings that it’s just not worth being in the situation because I’m not having fun with friends. I’m having survival with sweets in a mine field. The second conversation was a friend who kept mentioning a late dinner after an event and I could feel the conversation get really weird when I said I’ll be at the event (which will have activity!!) but not at the late dinner out. I don’t need to go to dinner at 9:30/10 pm. I just don’t. And it’s not like it’s a special thing, somebody’s birthday or anything. It’s going to be at whatever is open (so a diner?) at that time. No thanks. But I’ll see you guys for the non- food part.
Is it because when I say no, I’m trying to lose weight (when I’m asked over and over why I won’t eat or do xyz) or no, I don’t want to go out to eat, I’m putting a mirror on other people? Does it become, well what makes you think you are special? I’ve heard these friends put down another girl who a while back lost a ton of weight because she got skinny and “too good” for everybody. I feel like I’m being put in that category now and it’s awkward. Is it going to be easier when I am more set in my diet (vs. now where I’m still actively trying to make changes and struggle with cravings, ect.)? I have spent a lot of time the last few weeks with friends who are healthy or working towards health. And those times are fabulous. Because they are easy. It’s not a constant explanation or saying no situation. I like that situation and I do want to find more friends who live that life. Is that the sacrifice of weight loss? Friends who won’t convert to the healthy way of life naturally fall out of your life? That’s kind of sad.