Category Archives: focus

Life Happens

Doesn’t it?  The first 5 days of February have been pretty annoying, not going to lie.  I have that feeling that everything I do is wrong, have you had that?  It probably is a combination of hormones and work and life.  I am feeling very stuck lately and while I can give myself a challenge in weight loss to get moving, I’m not sure I know what to do for other things to jump start them.

Part of this is the fact that it’s that special time of the month (sorry boys) and I have massive cravings.  I am trying to get through it.  I made healthy nachos for the super bowl and that was a good substitute for junk.  Just took a layer of real fresh tortilla chips and pilled on refried beans, ranchero beans (some random organic can I found at whole foods, lol), fiesta cheese, and a TON of onions and red/yellow/green peppers.  A ton.  Popped it in the oven for about 20 minutes and then put salsa on top. Boom.  Done.  But I still want to eat EVERYTHING. I hate my new prescription…this didn’t happen on the old one.  Alas it is what it is and I’m trying to work through it.  I did have chocolate yesterday…and I really didn’t feel better.  I still felt cravings and I felt bad for eating when I KNEW it was just the hormones, not an actual want.  I am doing better today and continually reminding myself throughout the day that yesterday was yesterday and it won’t ruin me.  I am a firm believer in the fact that ONE day won’t kill you…it’s just one day.  But it’s what happens after that one day that determines your success.  So I’m focusing on the fact that I know in my heart that one chocolate bar, no matter how large it is, won’t make me a size 26 again.  I also missed my workout yesterday after sleeping in after the Super Bowl and I know that really mentally messed with me.  I don’t miss workouts often…literally 2x in the last 6 months.  And the reason I don’t is because I feel so restless.  I don’t even like rest days…I just have gotten into a move it all the time mode lol.  Today I attacked P90x Legs and Back with vigor!

The other thing is that I am really really focusing on my career and my future lately.  I am focusing on finding training and learning opportunities to make me a better engineer and a better project manager.  I have not been doing as well at that as I should over the last few years…which I have been disappointed in myself with.  I have been focusing on the work – which I should of course – but I also need to focus on how to make myself smarter so I can do the work better.  I’m adding that as a goal this week to my weekly goal writing session – I literally JUST decided that.  That will be my jump start.  I need to stay on top of what is new in the project management industry…that will help me not only at work, but in my LIFE lol.  If that doesn’t get me unstuck I really don’t know what will.  I already am reverse engineering that goal…this makes me excited.

In general though – I do just need to start doing the woosah a bit more.  The last 2 months I have been go go go.  Life changed a LOT in November when the man finished his job assignment in Tennessee and I don’t think I’ve really had the break I need to deal with that.  Deal with it sounds wrong…more like process it.  Yes, that’s it.  I need to process how my life changed while he was gone and how it’s different now that he’s back.  I was so busy soldiering on through the summer/fall while he was gone…I don’t think I have changed gears back into a more relaxed life.  It’s time to start really doing that and start mentally getting out of get through it mode and get into the living life mode.

Focus, Determination, DRIVE

Today was day 10 for P90x for me.  I splurged a little this morning as I’ve been kind of on a little retail therapy kick this weekend and bought myself a little something special – a set of sportblocks!

I love them.  Like seriously love them.  My old weights were a messy jumble and they didn’t actually weigh what they said they weighed and I couldn’t change them fast enough.  Now I just set these and go go go!  I didn’t buy the stand, just the weights because the stupid stand was almost the same price as the weights.  I sit these on my old transfirmer and that is a flat enough surface.  The stand would be awesome – taller and at an angle…but not worth the cash for me today.  Anyway, these weights are amazing and I can tell I’m getting a better workout because I’m using the appropriate weight.
Today’s workout also made me think a lot about my progress so far.  I have done really well over the last 5 months.  So well it’s hard for me to even really wrap my brain around…it’s why I take so many progress pictures, it helps me see what I can’t believe yet.

So now, I’m in this incredible mental place.  I’m now at the point where I really want to start focusing on pushing myself to get to the maintenance phase.  I’m not that close to it – I have at least another 40 lbs to lose.  But I think that I’m at a point where I am seeing the body changes more than just a shrinking body.  I am starting to see some definition in my arms when I flex and very slight lines on my stomach. When I lift weights during P90x I can see the muscles now.  I am starting to realize that my body is going through a major change that I can control.  That’s why I decided to plunk down the money for the sportblocks today.  It’s why I am about to do some major diet adjustments and start focusing on my diet more during the work day (meaning drinking my water, even if it means a million pee breaks) and staying away from the candy jar (Tabby will have to help me here!).  At home I am going to stay dedicated to my workouts and my clean eating and I am going to steadily tweak my diet for better satiety and make more dishes at home.  
Essentially, the last couple of days I have really realized not that I can do this.  But that I AM doing this.  I AM making my body healthy, strong, and well.  I am driven to be the women I have dreamed of being….the only factor is time.