Category Archives: commuter marriage

Almost Over…

Today, whenever I free myself of work, starts my last weekend where my hubby and I live in different states.  My last weekend of having to skype/text/call/email/tweet my hubs instead of just being able to sit and talk.  It’s been around 8 months since he had to leave to to to Tennessee for a job opportunity after being unemployed for a long time, about a year, and we have had to have a commuter relationship.  Due to my job and where I am with things, I could not leave and had to stay in Virginia.

Flying back and forth for way too much money (nobody apparently goes to TN, who knew?).  Trying to find time during the day and night and weekend to connect while living on different clocks because he was in a different time zone.  Trying to figure out how to keep building a relatively new marriage while we couldn’t see each other for weeks at a time.  It was hard.  My husband is not in the military – and after this experience I can’t imagine how military wives/husbands do deployments.  I could at least contact him and go visit whenever I wanted, a luxury that military families do not get.  I got a whole new appreciation for what it means to be married and what it means to have to put in work into a marriage.  Not that our relationship was always easy – like all couples we have had disagreements.  But even that changes when you are far apart.  Some trivial things just aren’t important anymore.  For me, I realized all that my husband does and has to deal with when all of a sudden I was the one in charge of all the household chores again.  I realized how important he is to me. Not that I had forgotten, but it is easy to not realize the true value of what you have when you see it every day.   We both realized that we have to take some things more serious – our life planning  – living with a purpose instead of just living – being healthier – being on the same page about health.

Somehow, something I did not imagine happening happened in the 8 months of our long distance marriage.  We grew stronger.  We became more one than we were before.  We bonded.  See, when someone isn’t close, you HAVE to communicate differently.  You don’t sit all day with news or an idea and think I’ll email later or I’ll tell my hubs/wife at home tonight this.  You just text or email or tweet or something ASAP.  There is not a reason to wait because that in person time isn’t coming.  You call every day and talk for longer than you talk when you live in the same state because you have to share everything in that call you forgot to text or email earlier.  You find reasons to reach out – you send pics of your meal or that weird thing that happened.  I never realized how much MORE we could communicate until we had to communicate more to stay involved with each other’s lives.

So as I started out…this is my last weekend of being here by myself.  Some things will change – like I will have to stop using his dresser for my clothes and the top for my morning toiletries/makeup storage – I won’t be able to blast Lady Gaga at 5:15 AM when I wake up for my workout – I will have to account for someone else in my plans instead of just doing whatever whenever.  But some things will not – we will still text and email during the day – I will still be happy to hear from him whenever he sends something – and he will still want to get into a deep conversation 5 minutes before my bedtime.

My one lasting lesson from this year – love, appreciate, enjoy, care, and treasure every freaking moment you have with those you love when you are around them.  Don’t wait to share something you know they will laugh at or your great news or tell them how much you love them.  And when stuff gets tough – you are strong enough to get through it.  My hubby and I have only been married for 25.5 months and we have had already about 20 of those be living out of state or dealing with prolonged unemployment.  Only the first half a year of marriage was kind of status quo for us and we are heading into another stretch of uncertainty as he looks for a job here again.  But I know we will be ok – we have been here before.

thanks for reading 🙂